What will they think?
This is a question that at some time or not, we’ve asked ourselves. We stop before taking that first step to wonder what someone – a spouse, a friend, a random stranger on the street or our social media feed – might say about what we’re about to do.
Not will say.
But might.
We begin mental gymnastics of running through scenarios, down rabbit holes, and evaluating the worst outcomes if we start that thing.
And for most people, that one question ultimately becomes the catalyst to not take action today. Or tomorrow. Or until that magical one day in the future when everything is better.
The fear of other people’s opinions is real. Sports psychologist Michael Gervais wrote an entire book around the concept and, in his words, the First Rule of Mastery: Stop Worrying About What Other People Think of You.
Because the reality is – none of them are.
I’ve heard this phrase over and over throughout my life. I try to remind myself of the fact – that worrying about others’ opinions is futile because no matter what, you’ll never make everyone happy.
Even more so, they’re not even thinking about you. They’re thinking about themselves.
Case in point: notice the next time you get on an elevator how people behave entering/exiting the elevator.
One thing I’ve noticed lately is how few people actually wait for people to get off of the elevator before barging on. They block the door, then seem perturbed that they have to move so people can get off.
I saw it at the airport this morning before my flight, and again at my hotel. People crowding the door and then having to backtrack to make space for those exiting out.
Instead of thinking, “I wonder if someone else might be getting off” and standing slightly to the side so if anyone is on, they can get off easily, they simply stand in front of “their” elevator and think “I need to get on this elevator for me.”
Witnessing this today made me realize – we are all literally just in our own heads, ignorant of everyone around us. (And maybe just a little rude, too).
But it’s the perfect illustration for this concept – the people on the elevator are not thinking about the ones getting off. They’re simply thinking about themselves.
It’s like that everywhere – at the grocery store, during your class workout, at your association networking happy hour. Everyone is there, mingling, but most everyone is in their own head thinking about themselves, and perhaps even worrying about what you are thinking of them.
They’re not thinking about you.
So why does this matter?
Because if you’re like me, there’s some action you’ve put off taking for fear of what someone else might say.
Maybe it’s the gym you kept procrastinating joining until “you’re more in shape,” or the role at work you’d be a great fit for but won’t apply until “you feel more confident.”
Whatever it is, the fear of what someone else *might* say (and most likely won’t because they’re not even thinking about you) is keeping you from reaching an outcome you say you want.
It’s like as a kid, choosing to pee in your bed because if you actually got out of bed to go to the bathroom, the monster under your bed would eat you.
There were no monsters, but the story in your head tricked you into falling prey to them (and possibly having to change your bed sheets).
Leading others requires not letting the worry of what others might say keep us from taking the right action to grow ourselves and our teams. It involves making some tough choices and doing things differently, because the reality is you can’t be like others if you want to influence others.
You have to be different, and different starts with making the uncomfortable choices regardless of whether someone will say something or not.
What’s that one thing – that every time you think of starting, you start to worry of what *they* will say – and you continue to put off until ‘later?’
What’s the one thing you’re cheating yourself of achieving because of an imaginary monster under the bed?
And what would next year look like if you decided to ignore that voice and just take action today?